10 Things Single people Should Do To Prepare for Marriage

 My advice and encouragement for single people by Odile Mbabazi

Everyone’s journey that leads up to marriage is different. Some of us meet and marry young, others experience relationship losses that eventually lead us to the one we commit to, and others spend much of their lives single before deciding to marry.

Though each story may be different, there are some things anyone who is hoping to marry can do to ready their hearts for a relationship that was designed to last a lifetime.

Marriage is a gift from God but it also holds up a mirror to your own character in a way that can be challenging. Being ready to lay down some of yourself to better love another is an important part of readying your heart for marriage.

The Bible does have a lot to say about preparing for marriage. Although we won't include every Bible verse below, we'll include a sampling of what Scripture says about this:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7: "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Ephesians 5:23-33: "For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."

Here are 10 ways you can prepare yourself now for marriage:

1. Begin Praying for your Future Partner

Marriage was held in very high esteem in my home growing up. I am fortunate to come from a line of people who have remained faithful to their marriage vows over their lives.                                                                                                                                                              You should be praying for your husband or wife from now on, praying for his/her well being, protection, salvation and that God would bring you together  when the time is right.

This prayer time helped keep a more healthy perspective when it came to romantic relationships. This help you to know that  dating is not so much about having fun  but giving your heart to someone else is a big, holy affair.

2. Get to know yourself first.

In order to prepare for your future relationship, you have to know who you are. Because if you don’t know who you are, you will have no idea what kind of person fits into your life. In fact, you’ll end up just fitting into theirs and becoming whoever they want you to become. It’s so easy to get lost in a relationship rather than taking the necessary steps to find yourself. It’s something that a lot of women struggle with. 

Not only is it important, it’s crucial uncover your identity, discover your talents, strengthen your confidence, and commit to becoming the person God has called you to be. Take classes,  get a mentor, sign up for courses, enroll in professional counseling, and do whatever it takes to really get to know yourself in a deep and meaningful way.

You are the most crucial component to the health of your future relationships. I sincerely believe that. With all the couples I’ve worked with, I see it time and time again that marriage problems are always individual problems being played out within the context of a relationship.

So if you want to have a healthy future marriage, get healthy now. Figure out what parts of your past you need to deal with, what baggage you’re carrying, and what bad habits and sins are taking control of your life here and now. Become the best version of yourself – right now – and you’ll have a direct impact on the health of your future marriage.

3. Start moving in the direction God has called you.

The first part of this advice is really important: START MOVING. I know so many singles who are just sitting around waiting for life to happen. As if life only begins when you’re married or in a romantic relationship. But if you have that view of life, you’re going to miss out on so much. Life is happening right now, and if you’re being passive with your life there’s a good chance you’re also going to be passive even in your relationships. This is the time to take next steps, to discover your talents and your passions, and begin moving toward your goals and dreams.

But not just your goals and dreams…which brings me to the second part of this statement. Read it slowly…”the direction God has called you.” I say that because there are so many directions that life can take us……but if we’re moving toward God, we’re always moving in the right direction.

Your life has meaning and purpose while standing alone. If you can grasp that during singleness, you will bring meaning and purpose into your marriage as well. What a great way to start a relationship.

4. Practice Being a Great Friend

When you are choosing who you want to marry you are essentially choosing who you want to be your best friend forever. Strong marriage is built on a strong friendship that is only enhanced by romance and intimacy… not the other way around.

It is always a good idea to focus on building your bond as  friends before entering into a physical relationship. This will help you to survive harder seasons  in your marriage 

What does it look like to be a good friend? You have to be willing to listen, to share experiences, to be there when your friend needs you, and you have to be committed to stay friends. Practice being a good friend and choosing good friends so you have the chance to know what it feels like to be a part of a healthy and committed relationship.

5. Surround yourself with good people.

I think there is a huge advantage that comes to people who surround themselves with good people. Because it’s in the context of relationships (all relationships) that we learn to communicate, to love, to give, to forgive, and to serve. It’s in the context of relationships that we learn to consider the needs of others, recognize our own flaws, and deal with our personality deficits. We were created for relationships, and there is so much to be said of people who learn to surround themselves with a meaningful community of people, because those are the people who end up with the healthiest romantic relationships as well.

6. Invest in your relationship with God. 

We’re all spiritual beings, and to leave out our spirituality in the pursuit of a relationship is to forget a crucial part of who we are.

So much of how we learn to love comes into play when we can learn to love ourselves first….and we can’t really grasp how to love ourselves, until we know that we are deeply loved, by a God who made us just to love us. There’s something really powerful that happens when we start believing truth; something that permeates every part of our identity and self worth. And the more valuable we believe we are, the less we’re willing to settle in our relationships.

7. Live Life Fully Now

Marriage is not the start of life! Single people are fully alive and have the gift of time that allows them to dive more fully into their passions.

It can be easy to see adulthood as a set of “checks” you are just waiting to tick off your list. We can adopt the mindset that life doesn’t really begin until I reach this goal. Your life matters now and you don’t have to hold back on pursuing God or your goals just because you aren’t married.

I am going to share a little secret with you… there is a point in time after you check off those boxes in which you have to once again reinvent who you are.

It’s easy to find comfort in titles such as wife, mother, husband, etc. After you have become a wife, had the kids, and you are in the middle you have to again decide what is it that you are living for.

Those milestones are beautiful stages but they aren’t you.

Don’t wait to start being you, knowing what you are about, and living purposefully now. Don’t wait for a certain milestone to come your way to find your identity.

Begin that work of self-discovery and maybe avoid being the story I just heard yesterday about a middle aged woman with four kids that has left her family to “find herself.” Family life is not easy and having a sense of inner strength for what lies ahead is a gift to your future family.

8. Take Notes on Others Marriages

Start taking notes on the kind of marriage you want to have now. Pay attention to the traps, the strengths, and the stories that others around you a little ahead of you are writing. If your parents have an amazing marriage that you want to emulate, then keep them in mind when you start building your own relationships.

If your parents struggled, find others who can mentor you so you can have a better idea of what a healthy marriage looks like. It’s hard to build something without knowing what you are working towards. You need a plan, the right foundations, and guides to properly build a life together.

Look to others, study what the Bible tells us about marriage, and let these nuggets of wisdom guide your steps. Read different books that talks about Christian marriage. 

9. Start adjusting and planning your finance

There will be quite a shifting from handling your finance as a single to managing household finance together and sharing your wealth with your spouse. And because money issue is one of the main reasons for divorce, we can't stress enough how much important it is to start adjusting and planning your financial life, before you get married. It should be done together with your fiancé; be open about your salary, debts, assets, or investments, and share about your long-term plans, dreams, and goals. Once the two of you know what to expect from each other, start making changes into your money habit, like start saving, and avoid spending impulsively or putting off some bills that can become debts.

10. Speak the languages of love

While preparing yourself for marriage, speak the different languages of love to show that you care. You can practice speaking these love languages with your friends and your family members.

This may include speaking words of affirmation, spending quality time, gifting, performing acts of service or physical touching. And if you already have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, choose the love language that works for both of you and practice it every day to see love bloom.

So there you have it, single people. Take this time to prepare for marriage and become the BEST version of yourself right here and right now. Because the healthier you are, the healthier are the relationships you are going to attract and the healthier your marriage will be. 

10 Things Single people Should Do To Prepare for Marriage

1. Begin Praying for your Future Partner

2. Get to know yourself first.

3. Start moving in the direction God has called you.

4. Practice Being a Great Friend

5. Surround yourself with good people.

6. Invest in your relationship with God. 

7. Live Life Fully Now

8.Take Notes on Others Marriages

9. Start adjusting and planning your finance

10.Speak the languages of love