WHAT EVERY DAUGHTER NEEDS FROM HER MOM (Parenting)

I am a mom of one beautiful girl. I remember like it was yesterday when I got pregnancy test and found out that I was pregnant. And when I and my husband would be discussing about how many kids we want to have; he would always say that he wants the first born to be a girl. For me I would just say that what I really need is a healthy baby regardless the sex. The day came, when we found out the baby's gender, it was a joy. It was very charming to know that I have little girl in my stomach. It was like I find  another special person to be a best friend with. Realistically, It was like Yesterday when I brought my firstborn to home, not having much clue about the journey ahead. What I knew is that I should care, love and cherish that girl with all of my heart. I wanted her to feel loved every second. 

Nothing I read or learned from people could prepare me for the real experience. In all my life, I didn't got a chance to be with other mother to get some tips from them or having a clue on everything, starting with pregnancy, breastfeeding, washing the baby, how to show her sincere love. I was just knew to me but I was ready to learn with the experience. To experience motherhood in its glory, you have to live it. It is an adventure that stretches you beyond your comprehension. 

When I see moms of boys and their challenges, I can’t help but wonder if raising one gender is easier or tougher than the other. I have my big sister, she has a 7 years old boy, every time she says that raising a boy is easier. She says that it is even easy to wash a baby boy compared to the girl. For her, it is tougher to raise a girl. 

And I consulted moms who have kids of both genders, and what I could conclude was there are equal challenges when it comes to raising both girls and boys and it changes according to different parenting seasons, ages, and personalities. (If you have a different opinion, do share in the comments below. I am curious to know!)

Boys are usually more adventurous and fearless to satisfy their curiosities, while girls are emotionally more expressive and like to play safe. Girls have some fear. Yes they are curious too but with their curiosity, they want to do everything safely. They want to explore their curiosity without being harmed in any way.

I got inspired to write this post because of the following things:

1. The world has changed a lot since we grew up as little girls. So as mothers, we need to equip our girls with the right tools and knowledge to thrive and survive in this technology-oriented world.

2. To share what I would have liked my own mom to give me while I was growing up and the things that she taught me that I want to pass onto my daughter.

So let’s start?

10 THINGS THAT A GIRL NEEDS FROM HER MOM

1. SHE NEEDS YOU TO TEACH HER THAT SHE IS GOOD ENOUGH

The number one thing I would like to instill in my daughter is self-confidence and unconditional love for herself.

I grew up in a broken family, my parents separated the day I was born and then later they remarried; and they separated for the second time  when I was 13 years old. Growing in that such broken family caused me to grow with lots of limiting beliefs and I know the struggle of the constant fight with self-doubts. I couldn't stand up in other students to present my opinion, I always had doubts that I am not good enough to have a good opinion. I would hesitate to give it publicly and then tell it to my sitting mate to present. I was always surprising that they the teach would say that it was a good answer. But because of that self doubts that I had inside me I couldn't give it myself. I don’t want my daughter to be unable to follow her dreams because of thinking that she doesn't have the potential in them to fulfill their ambitions.

And what usually stops us is the fear of judgment. The society is usually obsessed with finding faults. No one reminds us of our good qualities and so we regret about the qualities that we don’t possess.

But let’s break the cycle today. Help your daughter to find her strengths and the qualities that make her the special person she is.

Help her to strongly believe in them. She will easily believe in what others say about her, but as a mother, you can change the story of her life by brushing off the negative comments.

Girls usually start getting conscious and obsess over their body image in their teenage years, or even earlier. That’s when they start to notice their skin color, size and shape of their nose or other body features.

But mothers can teach her that she is more than her bodily features and what she is, is good enough. We can teach her to rise above society’s skewed standards.

 I always tell my daughter who is now one year old that, in life what matters is what you do and how much kindness you can give to others. I tell her that I am proud of being the mother of a special, intelligent girl. I encourage her to try things telling her that she can do it. And I have seen that it encourages her so much. She such a courageous cute curious baby. I like that. 

So, I want her to know that what really matter is, whether you follow your dreams and how much light you can fill in your loved ones’ lives. And no one should define how you should look. 

External beauty fades, but the inner beauty remains till we die. She needs to know that from you as a mother. 

2. SHE WANTS YOU TO BE HER BIGGEST SUPPORTER

The special bond between a father and a daughter is often talked about, but for a girl the support a mom can provide is immense. There are many things in life that she can confide in her mom.  Be her best friend, let her know that she has someone there who will never live her, who will never judge her, who will never be jealous to her. Show her that you are there to support her no matter what.

A girl goes through a lot of tough stages in life including teenage (the surge of hormones), pregnancy, delivery, etc. She can go through a lot of emotional turmoil when she has to face life-changing events like breakups, divorce, etc.

Moms can play a role in supporting them through all these tough phases in life. It is hard enough for a girl (or a woman) when all these hormones are raging inside her creating mood changes and other symptoms. 

Instead of scolding her for the “misbehavior”, offer support, patience, and understanding. 

Don’t judge or criticize her for making wrong decisions, but let her know that you are always there for her no matter what and she can call you anytime to talk. 

Women deal with stress differently from men. Women like to talk about their problems and that’s how they find stress relief. More than men, women can fulfill this need “to be heard” as they are natural empaths. I think no one else can do this role better than mothers. Because moms have lived life a lot ahead of their daughters and they have seen it all. “Mom knows better” is not a cliché phrase, but a truth. 

Mothers should be able to make her daughter believe that she can always count on her mom to be there when she needs emotional support. Be a supportive mother.

3. SHE NEEDS YOU TO BE A PRESENT AND ENGAGED MOM

We know how hard it is to keep up with the housework, being a wife to your husband, your career and still spend quality time with kids. 

But as we know, girls are talkers. They like to talk about what happened in school and the little troubles they have to face. No matter how busy you are, always try to find time to look in their eyes when they talk and truly listen. 

Because let’s face it, we are never gonna finish our chores or finish everything and truly get free time to spend with them. So always make use of the time you get here and there, even if it’s 10 minutes. She needs you to listen to her. 

And don’t always rush her off saying you‘re busy when she want to share something. If you have to, promise you will listen to her problem when you’re done with your work and make sure to follow through. Actually, tell your mind that you will always have time to listen to her and make yourself available for her.

She is becoming bigger each day and each time when you turn her off, it creates an emotional distance between you two. It really does. If it continues like that, the time will come when, you don't even know your daughter. 

And also always make sure you free yourself up for the events that mean a lot to them. And take each of them(if you have more than one daughter) on mommy-daughter dates where you get to do special things. They will remember it forever. 

4. SHE WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE IN HER

The self-beliefs that form in the first twenty years of life are crucial for a human being. These beliefs decide the path that we take in life and determine whether we have the courage to follow our passions.  Whenever she declares she wants to do something, never discourage her with your own doubts.

If you express even a shadow of a doubt, she might hesitate to believe in herself. And when she has a limiting belief, you can point out why she might be thinking wrong. Limiting beliefs can be changed at any age, but a mom can play a huge role in nipping them in the bud.

We are often quick to criticize but never tell them openly about the qualities we like in our children. For a change, try telling them “I like how you looked after your sister while I wasn’t home. You can handle responsibilities well.” She will feel so proud and will believe it. And that will truly reflect in the way she sees herself. 

Always, always talk to her about the qualities you like in her.

5. SHE WANTS YOU TO BE A CALM MOM

A parent’s anger issues affect children badly. Research shows that yelling makes kids aggressive, insecure, develops anxiety and has low self-esteem. 

When you are quick to get angry, it becomes difficult for your daughter to confide in you when she makes mistakes. So it is important to work on your anger issues.

I am constantly working on my short temperament because I don’t want to be a mom who is hard to approach when my daughters make mistakes. And reducing anger is beneficial for your well-being too.

6. SHE WANTS YOU TO LET HER MAKE MISTAKES AND FORGIVE HERSELF

To raise her as an independent girl, you need to stop hovering around her so that she doesn’t make mistakes. Let her make her own choices and experience success and failure. When she makes mistakes, do not condemn her. Instead, console her by pointing out how everyone makes mistakes.  And most importantly teach her to forgive herself. You don’t have to take all your mistakes seriously and be embarrassed about them for a long time.

Instead, teach her to take things lightly and laugh at herself for the silly mistakes she made. 

7. SHE NEEDS YOU TO TEACH HER THAT HER BODY IS HER OWN

This lesson is so important for a young girl. Childhood sexual abuse is more common than we think. It is important for young girls to know to differentiate between “good touch” and “bad touch” because many kids don’t have an idea when it happens, either because they’re young or ignorant.

Not only that, they should be taught self-defense strategies if such an unfortunate event takes place. This is a must-have conversation between a mom and a daughter

And we must talk to them about their private parts in an age-appropriate language, starting from when they are toddlers. 

You can begin by telling her that her body is her own and no one has the ownership to it except her. And it’s her choice and decision about who should touch her body and who shouldn’t. 

And the most important thing, tell her that she should talk to you if she experiences any misbehavior of this sort. 

8. SHE NEEDS YOU TO TEACH HER GOOD VALUES AND LIFE SKILLS

Some good values and lessons that you can teach your daughter:

Integrity

Kindness and empathy

Love for self and others

Hard work

Gratitude

Respect to self and others

Standing for self

Self-discipline

The importance of financial independence

Gender equality

Facing criticism

Life skills that you can teach her:

Running a home

Cooking

Sewing

Money management

Doing laundry

Communication skills

Etiquette

Simple home repair skills (this article has resources to get started)

Basic first-aid

Basic car repair

Problem-solving skills

9. SHE NEEDS YOU TO HELP HER WITH EMOTIONAL UPS AND DOWNS

Girls go through a lot of emotional ups and downs, thanks to their hormones. They might not be able to understand why they feel the way they do. It is hard to deal with lots of anger, irritability, and mood swings when they don’t know why it’s happening to them. 

From a young age, it’s important to acknowledge her emotions and empathize with her. When she approaches you to talk about something that’s bothering her, name those emotions like, “You are sad”, “You are angry”, “You are irritated”, etc. 

What she needs is “not disciplining”, but “understanding” of her emotions. The connection between you two will help her to talk about it than suffering alone.

Finally, teach her effective coping mechanisms to deal with the emotions on her own and not take it on others.

Coping mechanisms include doing mediation, taking deep breaths, getting engaged in activities she loves, walking in nature to get fresh air, etc. 

10. SHE WANTS YOU TO TEACH HER ABOUT STAYING SAFE IN THE DIGITAL WORLD

The world is going more technology-oriented and it’s essential to teach kids about staying safe from the possible dangers of internet usage.

We hear horror stories about deadly online games, cyberbullying etc. all the time. While it’s safe to think it happens only to “others”, know that our child can become a victim too.

So here are some actionable steps to help her (or him) use the internet safely:

Talk to them openly about the possible dangers of the internet and social media usage

Update them about the deadly online games and ensure they know how to not fall into the trap

Make sure you have set limits on screen time

Help them stay disciplined about the balance between the online and real-world

Ask them not to share their private details to strangers on the internet. Teach them they have the option to block people they don’t know. 

Ask them not to follow anyone’s instructions online without consulting you first

Teach them how to use social media responsibly. Tell them the life portrayed on social media can be deceiving and fake.

CONCLUSION

As evident from the tips above, open communication and building a strong connection is key to raise your daughter as your best friend, I want her to be able to rush to me if they have even the silliest or the most troubling news in life. 

I want my daughter to know that my heart and my house are always open if she needs a break and a shoulder to cry on. I want to be a better mom for her. How about you? What do you thing a daughter needs from her mom? Let me know in the comments.